************************************************************************ * The Flvxxvm Florm Chord and Tablature Book * * (c) 2000 Jeff Robertson * * * * Album: FLVXXVM FLORVM ATE MY BALLS! * * * ************************************************************************ Notes: Tablature is only provided in cases where the chords themselves do not sufficiently represent the nature of the song. Bass tablature is only provided in cases where it differs substantially from the guitar line, or is very important to the song. The rythm is not guaranteed to be exactly what appears on the recording, just a rough approximation. No effort has been made to transcribe solos. Just improvize something. ****************************************** Everybody Calls Me Flapjack (Censored) ****************************************** Tune guitar (low to high): B E A D F# B B7 (fingered as E7) I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn and everybody calls me Flapjack. E7 (fingered as A7) All the pretty ladies know just who I am and everybody calls me Flapjack. B7 I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn and everybody calls me Flapjack. F#7 (fingered as B7) E7 I'm gonna go out and get me some dank ! B7 I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn and everybody calls me Flapjack. My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt and everybody calls me Flapjack. When I come around the corner all the motherfuckers run and everybody calls me Flapjack. My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt and everybody calls me Flapjack. I'm gonna go out and get me cunt! 'Cause I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn and everybody calls me Flapjack. ************************ Are the Fish High Yet? ************************ (there is no guitar in this song. just bang on something.) Are the fish high yet ? no lord, no lord Are the fish high yet ? no lord. no lord Are they gonna get there ? yeah, lord. yeah, lord. Do you know when they'll get there ? No, lord. No. Are the flowers stoned yet ? yeah, lord. yeah, lord. Are the flowers stoned yet ? Yeah, lord. Yeah, lord. Were they like that yesterday ? No lord, no lord. Do you like them better now ? No, lord. No. Is the TV stoned yet ? no, lord. no, lord. Is the TV stoned yet ? no, lord. no, lord. Do you think it should be ? yeah, lord. Yeah, lord. Do you think it will be ? No, lord. No. Are the fish high yet ? Yeah, lord. yeah, lord. Are the fish high yet ? Yeah, lord. Yeah, lord. How high are the fish, then ? Dead, lord! Dead, lord! But do you think they're high, though ? Yeah, lord. Yeah. *************************** Friendly Martians, Julie *************************** (swing feel) Intro: E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- B---------------------------------|--------------------------------- G---------------------------------|--------------------------------- D-3---2---3---2---0---------------|-------------0---0--------------- A---------------------------------|-3---2---3----------------------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- B---------------------------------|--------------------------------- G-------------0---2-------0-------|-------------0---0--------------- D-3---2---3-----------------------|-3---2---3----------------------- A---------------------------------|--------------------------------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- F G We're your friendly martians, Julie we're here to inspect you we can see right through you as we mentally dissect you. We're your friendly martians, Julie we're here to correct you you must do just what we say if we are to protect you. C7 B7 Bb7 So far away the Red Planet glows. We're your friendly martians, Julie very glad to've met you. But unfornately now we have to disconnect you. Feel life slip away From your head down to your toes. **************** The Vacant Lot **************** (capo on third fret) Bb (fingered as G) Heaven was right there waiting Eb (fingered as C) in the vacant lot next to my house. Bb Mommy always told me, Eb "never go there". Heaven was waiting for me for all those years. Daddy never told me that it was there, I guess he doesn't know. Mommy's gone crazy, and Daddy never seems to be around. But Heaven is right there waiting in the vacant lot. *********************************** The Grooviest Girl in the U.S.A. *********************************** E There you go walkin' down University, with your B high-heel shoes on your pretty lil' feet. your E fingernails are painted in a rainbow of colors, but your B T-shirt is black and your lips are purple. Chorus: A B You're the grooviest girl in the U.S.A. A B The most far out chick in the world today. D The grooviest girl! Between verses: (note this riff is from "Can't Beleive" on _Sampler_) E D C B E D C D E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- B---------------------------------|--------------------------------- G-9---9---7---7---5---5---7---7---|-9---9---7---7---5---5---4---4--- D-x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---|-x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x--- A-7---7---5---5---3---3---5---5---|-7---7---5---5---3---3---2---2--- x2 E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- There you go walkin' to the cool record store past the chicken finger places and all the smelly bars and you know that when you get there even if the store is closed with a word you can get what you came here for. (repeat chorus) Forgive me, Jimmy Page! There you go walkin' down the boule-boulevard with a bag full of 'zines and old records all the guys that see ya, I that they want ya but its too late now 'cause I already got ya. (repeat chorus) ************ Florence ************ Main riff: D A D A G E-----2---2---------------2-------|-----1-------1------------------- B-----3---3---2---2-------3-------|-2---0-------0------------------- G-----2---2---2---2-------2-------|-2---0-------0------------------- D-----0---0---2---2-------0-------|-2---0-------0------------------- A-------------0---0---------------|-0---2-------2------------------- E---------------------------------|-----3-------3------------------- D A D G E-----2---2---------------2-------|-1------------------------------- B-----3---3---2---2-------3-------|-0------------------------------- G-----2---2---2---2-------2-------|-0------------------------------- D-----0---0---2---2-------0-------|-0------------------------------- A-------------0---0---------------|-2------------------------------- E---------------------------------|-3------------------------------- Between verses: A7 E---------------------------------|-------------------------2------- B-------------------------2-------|-----------------2---5-------5--- G-----------------2---4-------4---|---------2---4------------------- D---------2---4-------------------|-2---4--------------------------- A-0---4---------------------------|--------------------------------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- A7 E---------2---5---2---------------|--------------------------------- B-2---5---------------5---2-------|-5---2--------------------------- G-----------------------------4---|---------4---2------------------- D---------------------------------|-----------------4---2----------- A---------------------------------|-------------------------4---2--- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- She was a girl from Florence she said she'd lost her man said she was lookin' for us yeah, wanted to join the band. She had a dog named Otis she said he was her friend I couldn't help but notice his leash was near its end. She said she played the trumpet and also tamborine. She said she loved to thump it and so we said, "climb in!" And when we started playin' the dog began to howl. I heard what he was sayin' but it was too late now. Then we forgot the chorus and so she took the lead. But she was too good for us and so we set her free. And now she's back together. She's got a place downtown. And someday when we're better, we'll get with her and jam! ************************** Peggy, You Make Me Horny ************************** A Peggy, you make me horny B You make me lose my self control D You're the finest girl I'm E A always thinking about. Masturbation is something that I've done since I was twelve and I want you to know you're my number-one fantasy. Peggy, you make me horny You got me tossing in my sleep and I want you to know I dreamed about you last night: Naked as a jaybird you were laying in bed Then I woke up and had to go and pee. Peggy you make me horny, you make it hard to sit still So I got in my car and drove right to your house. I don't knock on your door 'cause I know your mama's home and besides I can see into your room from here. *********** Evil Girl *********** A D A E---------------------------------|-------------2------------------- B-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-2---2---2---3---2---2----------- G-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-2---2---2---2---2---2----------- D-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-2---2---2---0---2---2----------- A-0---0---0---0---0---0---0-------|-0---0---0---0---0---0----------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- | G---------------------------------|--------------------------------- D---------------------------------|--------------------------------- A-0---0---0---0---2---4---4-------|-0---0---0---5---4---4----------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- A E A E---------------------------------|-0---0---0---0------------------- B-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-0---0---0---0---2---2----------- G-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-1---1---1---1---2---2----------- D-2---2---2---2---2---2---2-------|-2---2---2---2---2---2----------- A-0---0---0---0---0---0---0-------|-2---2---2---2---0---0----------- E---------------------------------|-0---0---0---0------------------- | G---------------------------------|--------------------------------- D---------------------------------|--------------------------------- A-0---0---0---0---2---4---4-------|-2---2---2---2---0---0----------- E---------------------------------|--------------------------------- Chorus: And when I look around, I see an evil world. And when I look inside, I need an evil girl. I need a lover who is only out for blood I need a woman who hates everything that's good I need an evil girl who hates the universe as much as I hate me she's got to hate me worse (repeat chorus) I need a lover who's not afraid of anybody I need a woman who makes Hitler look like Ghandi. I need an evil girl to help me kill my brain to help destory my mind so I can feel no pain. (repeat chorus) ******* Blear ******* (TUNE: B E A D F# B, just like "Flapjack") F# (B) B (E) People ask me why I love you and I never ever really have an answer F# C# (F#) Frankly I admit that I don't find you to be pretty in the least F# B And even though you really think that you are really really really gorgeous F# C# F# I think that you're ugly and I think that your smell is like a beast. Chorus: But you've got that blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear about you And you know that that's the kinda thing that really really drives me wild You've got that blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear about you And vacant lookin' women really really are my style! People think your I.Q. must be high enough to make up for your body But I know you better and I know that you are really not that smart And even though you probably think that you are really really really righteous I know that deep inside you're even and I know that you've got no heart. (repeat chorus) I've never really wondered what could be the source of my infatuation with this particular attribute that I find more important than the rest I guess that when I look at you your vacant stare reminds me of my mother And you know that mothers' love is always always always best. (repeat chorus) ************ Broken Man ************ Main riff: Gtr1 (clean) E--------------------------------- B---------0---------------0------- G-------------0---------------0--- D-0---------------2--------------- A--------------------------------- E--------------------------------- x8 Gtr2 (distorted) E--------------------------------- B--------------------------------- G--------------------------------- D--------------------------------- A-5-----------5---7-----------7--- E-3-----------3---3-----------5--- x8 Repeat guitar riff while bass plays something like this: (transcribed from keyboard part) G-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-0--------------- D-0-------2-------|-0-------2-------|-0-------2-------|---------2------- A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|----------------- E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|----------------- G-----------------|-0-------4-------|-----------------|----------------- D-0-------2-------|-----------------|-0-------2-------|-0--------2------ A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|----------------- E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|----------------- Secondary riff (during the part that goes "feel I've left...") Em G Asus4 Gtr1 E--------------------------------- B-----------0---------------0----- G---0---2-----2-0---0---2-----2-0- D-2---------------2--------------- A--------------------------------- E--------------------------------- x2 Gtr2 E--------------------------------- B--------------------------------- G--------------------------------- D--------------------------------- A-5-5---7---------5-5---7--------- E-0-3---5---------0-3---5--------- x2 Bass G---0---2---4-2-0---0---2---4-2-0- D-2---------------2--------------- A--------------------------------- E--------------------------------- x2 You are so beautiful it scares me. My will is weakened by your presence. The life I used to live is behind me. The ground where you have walked is home. I feel I've left the human race, and joined a nation of one... the private universe that follows you. The broken man who lives to love you. I'd die for you if you asked me, but somehow you don't seem to care. I throw myself at your feet to do anything you want... Except control the situation. Except to challenge your dominion. Except to look you in the eye. And I know that's why you'll never love me. And I know that's why you'll never love me. ************* Powercow ************* Intro: D Bb G E--------------------------------- B--------------------------------- G--------------------------------- D-7------------------------------- A-5-------5-------5--------------- x4 E---------6-------3--------------- Verse: F# E--------------------------------- B--------------------------------- G--------------------------------- D---------4-------2--------------- A-----------------------4-4---4--- x8 E-2---2--------------------------- 1 2 3 4 Chorus: E D Bb E--------------------------------- B--------------------------------- G--------------------------------- D---------9-------7-----8-8------- A---------7-------5-----6-6------- x4 E-0---0--------------------------- 1 2 3 4 Do you really think that you're the boss or do you think its me ? Or do you think its both of us or is it everybody ? You call me on the telephone you call me ignorant you make me listen to you bitch and moan and now you want me in your cunt (Chorus) Even though it might be fun I don't compromise with anyone and if I did, anyhow, It would not be with a Powercow. Do you really think you know it all from your experience ? Do you think you got it figrured out or is it maybe just dumb luck? You make me dance when I hate the song and you laugh when I get sick You got your mama there to sing along when you finally get some dick. (repeat chorus) Do you really think its all my fault or was it all in fun ? Do you think that I need to be taught about the way that things are run ? You say my friends aren't any good You say I'm full of shit You say I don't do the things I should and you're about to get hit! (repeat chorus) **************** And I Hit Her **************** D G There was a lil' girl that I really liked a lot D A so I told her that I loved her and I told her she was hot D G I sat down right beside her and tried to kiss her with my toungue D A but she said that I was ugly and she said that I was dumb. So I.... Chorus: D G Hit her and I hit her and I hit her again D A I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again D G I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again D A D and I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again. I tied her up with pantyhose and took off all her clothes and shaved the hair beneath her arms and plucked it out of her nose then she started screaming, really yowling like a cat so I took off my belt and I wopped her one with that ! And I... (repeat chorus) I took out my pocket knife and stuck it in her eye I stuck it in her belly and I stuck it in her side I made a lot of little cuts up and down her chest and then I stood and looked at her while she sat there and bled. Then I... (repeat chorus) ************************** (untitled extra track) ************************** (no guitar in this song, but this is what the chords would be... of course its the tune from "Here comes Peter Cottontail") G Here comes Peter Pervert Man C With his weenie in his hand G D Hippety-hoppity Easter's on it's way G Brining all the girls and boys C Lots of kinky bondage toys G D G Hippety-hoppety happy Easter Day! He's got a leather whip for Tommy A rubber suit for sister Sue A dildo for your mommy And one for your daddy too!