© 1997, 1999 Jeff Robertson
The songs on this CD were transferred from cassette tape. Hence they are somewhat noisy. If you wish to cut out some of the "hiss", simply turn down the treble slightly on your stereo.
Please visit the Flvxxvm Florvm web page at http://www.grapevine.net/~jeff/flvxx.
If you didn't know me when I was in Mallet, then you missed seeing me as Flapjack. Its possible that you've seen other people do it, though. Anyway, Flapjack was a character that I used to slip into (under the influence of Multiple Intoxicating Sustances). Lets leave it at that.
As for the music, it was recorded using a guitar tuning called "Big B", invented by Will Richardson. All the strings are tuned down a perfect forth, so the tuning is B E A D F# B. The effect is twofold: 1) You can play low notes and make up for the lack of a bass guitar, and 2) the strings are really loose and bendy. I played a basic blues in E, and it came out in B because of the tuning, so if you want to play along the chords are B E B F# E B.
(guitar solo)
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
All the pretty ladies know just who I am
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me some dank !
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
When I come around the corner all the motherfuckers run
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me cunt!
'Cause I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
(guitar solo)
The lyrics were inspired by the aquarium in Kipp McMichael's room. The "drum" used on this song is one of those giant popcorn tins with a picture of Santa Claus that Wal-Mart sells (I used it to store my Wargames guns). The instrument recorded backwards is an African thumb piano that I found in the drawing room. The voices are various Tuscaloosa and University police and other employee talking to each other, captured with my scanner.
Are the fish high yet ?
no lord, no lord
Are the fish high yet ?
no lord. no lord
Are they gonna get there ?
yeah, lord. yeah, lord.
Do you know when they'll get there ?
No, lord. No.
Are the flowers stoned yet ?
yeah, lord. yeah, lord.
Are the flowers stoned yet ?
Yeah, lord. Yeah, lord.
Were they like that yesterday ?
No lord, no lord.
Do you like them better now ?
Yeah, lord. Yeah.
Is the TV stoned yet ?
no, lord. no, lord.
Is the TV stoned yet ?
no, lord. no, lord.
Do you think it ought to be ?
yeah, lord. Yeah, lord.
Do you think its gonna be ?
No, lord. No.
Are the fish high yet ?
Yeah, lord. yeah, lord.
Are the fish high yet ?
Yeah, lord. Yeah, lord.
How high are the fish, then ?
Dead, lord! Dead, lord!
But do you think they're high, though ?
Yeah, lord. Yeah.
This was written the same night as Are the Fish High Yet. Under heavy influence of M.I.S., I thought of the robot character from Pee-Wee's Playhouse saying in my head "We are your own private robots, Jeffrey!". For reasons I can't remember, I changed it to Martians and Julie.
It was recorded using a 12-string guitar that had some of the strings missing. The basic progression just alternates mindlessly between F and G. The part about "so far away..." is the chords C7 B7 Bb7.
We're your friendly martians, Julie
we're here to inspect you
we can see right through you as we
mentally dissect you.
We're your friendly martians, Julie
we're here to correct you
you must do just what we say if we
are to protect you.
So far away
the Red Planet glows.
We're your friendly martians, Julie
very glad to've met you.
But unfornately now we
have to disconnect you.
Feel life slip away
From your head down to your toes.
(guitar solo)
I'd like to say this song has some kind of philosophical meaning, but it doesn't. Its a song about smoking pot, and thats all there is to it.
Muscally, it only has two chords. I put a capo on the third fret, and played G and C, so it came out Bb and Eb. The "drum" sound is made by beating on the acoustic guitar. I ran the whole mix through my delay pedal and played with the delay times during the "solo".
Heaven was right there waiting
in the vacant lot next to my house.
Mommy always told me,
"never go there".
Heaven was waiting
for me for all those years.
Daddy never told me that it was there,
I guess he doesn't know.
(special effects "solo")
Mommy's gone crazy,
and Daddy never seems to be around.
But Heaven is right there waiting
in the vacant lot.
The lyrics are about my wife, Veronica. She knew the guy who ran Vinyl Solution, so one time he let us in there to shop even though it was closed. Hence the Stairway to Heaven reference.
This is one of only two songs on this album to use a real bass guitar. (the other is Powercow). I don't remember whose bass it was. If you care about chords, the verse is E and B. The chorus is A and B. Right after the chorus, it goes E D C B.
There you go walkin' down University
with your high-heel shoes on your pretty lil' feet
your fingernails are painted in a rainbow of colors
but your T-shirt is black and your lips are purple.
Chorus:
You're the grooviest girl in the U.S.A.
The most far out chick in the world today.
The grooviest girl!
There you go walkin' to the coolest record store
past the chicken finger places and all the smelly bars
and you know that when you get there even if the store is closed
with a word you can get what you came here for.
(repeat chorus)
Forgive me, Jimmy Page!
(drum break)
There you go walkin' down the boule-boulevard
with a bag full of 'zines and old records
all the guys that see ya, I that they want ya
but its too late now 'cause I already got ya.
(repeat chorus)
Florence, AL was home to a lot of Mallet people, hence the title. The dog was originally going to be named Mullet, a name suggested by my cousin Quentin. I wrote this to sing with a "band" I was constantly in and out of, that also included Will Richardson, Joe Rickicki, and John Ellis, among others.
A single guitar is split hard left and right, with one channel slightly delayed. This was supposed to make it sound like two guitars, but no two people would actually play that similarly, so the effect doesn't really work. This was first my first attempt to program my own beats, and it shows. The drums on this song are much less interesting than the pre-packaged ones heard elsewhere. If anyone wants the chords, its D A D A G, D A D G. Over and over.
She was a girl from Florence
she said she'd lost her man
said she was lookin' for us
yeah, wanted to join the band.
She had a dog named Otis
she said he was her friend
I couldn't help but notice
his leash was near its end.
(hold 'A7' chord for 4 bars)
She said she played the trumpet
and also tamborine.
She said she loved to thump it
and so we said, "climb in!"
And when we started playin'
the dog began to howl.
I heard what he was sayin'
but it was too late now.
(hold 'A7' chord for 4 bars)
Then we forgot the chorus
and so she took the lead.
But she was too good for us
and so we set her free.
And now she's back together.
She's got a place downtown.
And someday when we're better,
we'll get with her and jam!
(guitar solo)
"Peggy" was not the original title of this song. If you were in Mallet at the time that I wrote it, you'll remember the original lyrics and who it was about. If you weren't, you'll have to ask somebody. Even if you saw me do this song at C.H.O.M.FEST '97, you don't know who it was originally about. I wrote this while I was in a band with Joe Abreu and Nathan Davidson, but I doubt either of them is around right now to tell you. Poobie or Novarese might know, if you can find them.
All the instruments except guitar were done with my trusty Casiotone. The chords are A B D E.
Peggy, you make me horny
You make me lose my self control
You're the finest girl I'm
always thinking about.
Masturbation is something
that I've done since I was twelve
and I want you to know you're my
number-one fantasy.
Peggy, you make me horny
You got me tossing in my sleep
and I want you to know I
dreamed about you last night:
Naked as a jaybird
you were laying in bed
Then I woke up and had
to go and pee.
(guitar solo)
Peggy you make me horny,
you make it hard to sit still
So I got in my car and
drove right to your house.
I don't knock on your door
'cause I know your mama's home
and besides I can see into
your room from here.
(keyboard solo)
I won't comment on these lyrics except to say that I once read them aloud as "poetry" in one of my classes.
The drums are basically freeform noodling with the Casiotone's percussion section. They are embarrassingly sloppy, but I was too lazy to re-record them. In the middle, the keyboard plays a melody which is only vaguely in the same key as the guitar. The chords are A, A D A, A, E A.
Chorus:
And when I look around,
I see an evil world.
And when I look inside,
I need an evil girl.
I need a lover who
is only out for blood
I need a woman who
hates everything that's good
I need an evil girl
who hates the universe
as much as I hate me
she's got to hate me worse
(repeat chorus)
(keyboard solo)
I need a lover who's
not afraid of anybody
I need a woman who
makes Hitler look like Ghandi.
I need an evil girl
to help me kill my brain
to help destroy my mind
so I can feel no pain.
(repeat chorus)
These lyrics weren't inspired by anything in my life, but rather by the way that Ayn Rand frequently used the phrase "bleary-eyed" to unsympathetically describe characters in her books. I'm not actually sure what it means, but it can't be good.
The percussion on this song is me, playing spoons. I used to know where you could hear people yelling at me to stop making the annoying racket, but now I can't find it anymore. Like Everybody Calls me Flapjack, the "bass" on this song is actually guitar is Big B tuning. The chords are basically F# B F# C#, F# B F# C# F#, with embellishments that you can figure out for yourself.
People ask me why I love you and I never ever really have an answer
Frankly I admit that I don't find you to be pretty in the least
And even though you really think that you are really really really gorgeous
I think that you're ugly and your smell is like beast.
Chorus:
But you've got that blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear
about you
And you know that that's the kinda thing that really really drives me wild
You've got that blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear, blear about you
And vacant lookin' women really really are my style!
People think your I.Q. must be high enough to make up for your body
But I know you better and I know that you are really not that smart
And even though you probably think that you are really really really righteous
I know that deep inside you're even and I know that you've got no heart.
(repeat chorus)
I've never really wondered what could be the source of my infatuation
with this particular attribute that I find more important than the rest
I guess that when I look at you your vacant stare reminds me of my mother
And you know that mothers' love is always always always best.
(repeat chorus)
The lyrics were pretty much true at the time I wrote them. During my first two years in Mallet, I was an absoluely spineless slug when it came to approaching women, and I fell madly in love with anybody who talked to me. Secret love, that is, because I never had to guts to tell any of them, although that's probably not such a bad thing.
The basic chords are just G and G6 (you know, G with an 'E' in it). The part with "I feel I've left..." is Em G Asus2.
You are so beautiful it scares me.
My will is weakened by your presence.
The life I used to live is behind me.
The ground where you have walked is home.
I feel I've left the human race,
and joined a nation of one...
the private universe that follows you.
The broken man who lives to love you.
I'd die for you if you asked me,
but somehow you don't seem to care.
I throw myself at your feet
to do anything you want...
Except control the situation.
Except to challenge your dominion.
Except to look you in the eye.
And I know that's why you'll never love me.
And I know that's why you'll never love me.
I wrote this back in high school, after a particularly unpleasant experience at the junior prom. The whole date really sucked, the the girl still wanted to go get a hotel room after the dance. The title was coined either by my cousin Quentin or my brother Denny (who also came up with the idea for The Neighbor's Kid is an Orangutan).
The drums are Adam Shattuck's drum machine set on "prog rock". The guitar is played straight into the tape machine, with the trim all the way up. As on Florence, I used a delay pedal to try to make one guitar sound like two. I really don't feel like figuring out what the chords are right now. I think the verse in in F#, but that's all you're going to get.
Do you really think that you're the boss
or do you think its me ?
Or do you think its both of us
or is it everybody ?
You call me on the telephone
you call me ignorant
you make me listen to you bitch and moan
and now you want me in your cunt!
Chorus:
Even though it might be fun
I don't compromise with anyone
and if I did, anyhow,
It would not be with a Powercow.
Do you really think you know it all
from your experience ?
Do you think you've got it figured out
or is it maybe just dumb luck?
You make me dance when I hate the song
and you laugh when I get sick
You got your mama there to sing along
when you finally get some dick.
(repeat chorus)
(guitar solo)
Do you think its all my fault
do you think it's all in fun ?
Do you think that I need to be taught
about the way that things are run ?
You say my friends aren't any good
You say I'm full of shit
You say I don't do the things I should
and you're about to get hit!
(repeat chorus)
This was another song I wanted to do with Joe and Nathan, but they wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. I've promised my wife that I will never perform this song again, so this recording is the only way you're going to hear it.
The acoustic guitar was borrowed from Shane Scott. The drum is the same as on Are the Fish High Yet - you can actually hear the guns rattling around in there. The chords are D G D A.
There was a little girl that I really liked a lot
so I told her that I loved her and I told her she was hot
I sat down right beside her and tried to kiss her with my toungue
but she said that I was ugly and she said that I was dumb.
So I....
Chorus:
Hit her and I hit her and I hit her again
I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again
I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again
and I hit her and I hit her and I hit her again.
I tied her up with pantyhose and took off all her clothes
and shaved the hair beneath her arms and plucked it out of her nose
then she started screaming, really yowling like a cat
so I took off my belt and I wopped her one with that !
And I...
(repeat chorus)
(guitar/drum solo)
I took out my pocket knife and stuck it in her eye
I stuck it in her belly and I stuck it in her side
I made a lot of little cuts up and down her chest
and then I stood and looked at her while she sat there and bled.
Then I...
(repeat chorus)